1. I'm sorry to my family that I don't extend any effort beyond Ramen Noodles and Little Ceasar's for dinner.
2. I apologize to all the authors of the world for not being able to finish reading any of your books.
3. I feel badly that I have 9,216 unanswered emails in my inbox.
4. Won't someone please forgive me for that moldy cheese plate in the fridge? I swear it's just a science experiment.
5. I regret the whole package of Snackwells Devil's Food cookies I ate in one day this week. (But, only a little).
6. Can I have a do-over for that time I yelled at the teenager who kept getting my order wrong at the drive-thru window last Tuesday?
7. I'm ashamed to keep finding random Christmas decorations around the house.
8. Is there redemption for a girl who only shaves her legs biannually?
9. Please excuse my mustache.
10. And finally, I beg your pardon for being so pathetically apologetic.
Tomorrow will be filled with bright and beaming, confident victories.
2 hours ago